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Dear Parents of a Little Boy...

11/6/2014

18 Comments

 
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I have a boy.  He is growing bigger, but still kind of a little guy.  He doesn’t like to comb his hair, it sticks up in the front and in the back where the cowlicks are.  He licks his fingers after he eats something he really loves, like bacon-lettuce-tomato sandwiches.  When he falls asleep at night, he hugs my hand to his chest, and underneath the baggy t-shirt that was a hand-me-down from his grandpa, I can feel his heart beating.   

I love this boy with my whole soul.  I know every freckle, every joke, and sometimes when he’s asleep, I step into the soft darkness of his room and listen for the steady rise and fall of his breathing, just to hear him and be at peace.

Once upon a time, exactly thirty years ago, you had a little boy, too.  And you tried to get him to comb his hair, and watched as he enjoyed his favorite supper that you prepared.  Was it pizza?  When he fell asleep at night, did you sometimes stay by his bedside, re-telling his favorite story until his eyes gently closed and his breathing smoothed out and the soft snore of a boy who played really hard that day touched your heart and made you smile quietly in the dark?

Maybe I cherish my child so much because when I was a kid, my own mother was often too ill to sit at my bedside…  When I had a nightmare, Dad came to save me and rub my head ’til the monsters slunk away, back under the bed.  The doctors never gave her long to live, and one year, we opened our Christmas presents in the Intensive Care Unit because she couldn’t stop bleeding.   People came to the hospital in the night, after they sang their Silent Nights at Christmas Mass.  They came  to donate blood to Mom because our small hospital was all out, and she needed more to make it through the night.  She raced away from us by ambulance on Christmas morning. Because of them, she made it.  Years later, at Parent Nights in high school, when all the players on the team line up to thank their parents and everyone claps, my friend’s parents always made sure that one of them stood by me so I wasn’t alone.  One time, just once, Mom came to a game.  Dad wheeled her up to the sidelines in a borrowed chair, and she beamed at me with love and pride and I don’t know how she did it, because her back was broken and probably her ribs and collarbone were broken, too.  She was so weak, dying, really.  But she smiled at me and loved me from her broken shell of a body.  

That’s when everything changed.  That day, November 6.  

Something horrible happened in your life that day - I am so sorry that it did.  
In one single heart-wrenching, terrible moment, an auto accident took your son away from you.  As you sat in the hospital’s Intensive Care Unit, looking for your son, hoping to see the rise and fall of his little chest, praying to God for strength to bear the sunrise of a day without that boy, you made a choice.  The light had gone from your son’s eyes, and you thought of others.  

You made a choice that a part of your son would live on in the broken body of another human being.  You gave a stranger a second chance at life.  

And all the way across the country, that is exactly what happened.  Thirty years ago, a team of doctors transplanted your son’s liver into my mother’s decrepit body.  Thirty years ago!  How does one say thank you for thirty years of life?  It is through your anonymous gift of your son’s liver that my mom lived to see her children grow up and graduate from high school.  It is your generosity in your sorrow that allowed my mom to be here for our graduations from college, our first real jobs, our engagements and our weddings.  Mom was here for her twenty fifth wedding anniversary.  And her fortieth.  She was there when her granddaughter was born, named after her.  She was there when her grandson was born, named after your son.  She is present today, and dearly beloved in the lives of all nineteen of her grandchildren.

After getting a second chance to live, she decided to choose joy.  No matter what the circumstance of each day, she finds the love in it.  She has a special gift for making others feel that joy and love, too. 

I wonder about you, Little Boy’s Mom and Dad.  I pray for you.  Have you found peace?  In your great loss, in your great generosity, have you found the spark of joy that lives on even when happiness seems gone?  I think you have.  I think you have because you are the kind of people who give others hope even when you have little of your own.  That makes for a life that even when it is colored by pain, it is filled with love.  

I thank you for thirty years of life, given to us by you and your son.  And I hope and pray that you, too, have somehow made it a life filled with love.

God bless you,

Another Boy’s Mom

18 Comments
Wendy
11/5/2014 09:50:43 pm

Thank you for this beautiful story. It is a beautiful morning in Tennessee with the sun shining and birds singing, but it's a hard day. I am that little boy's little sister, with a 7 year old son of my own. I was 3 years old in November 1984, so my memories of Josh are scattered, but his memory has always been kept alive in our home. It has been a blessing to know how well your mom has done in the past 30 years. Your words are beautiful, and do help to ease the pain. Thank you.

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Greg and Pam Berg
11/6/2014 06:55:59 am

Wendy, We have known Patti for the past 15 years and upon first meeting her we instantly knew how special she was. She loves life and has been such a positive influence on everyone who is fortunate to know her. So sorry for the loss of your brother Josh, but please know that your families generosity is responsible for an unmeasurable amount of love and goodness. God Bless.

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Michelle Mahnke link
11/8/2014 01:04:36 pm

Dear Wendy,
Thank you so much for finding this and taking the time to write.
I will always be grateful to you and your family. I couldn't respond to your post at first, because I was quite overwhelmed with emotion.
God bless you.
Michelle

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nancy hermes
11/6/2014 02:29:30 am

I don't know what to say it is so beautiful.... and such a happy ending... thanks for sharing this on your blog.... thanks patti for bring it to my attention.... jim and I love you and your wonderful family and yes we are crying

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Michelle Mahnke link
11/8/2014 01:05:52 pm

Thank you, Nancy!
God bless.

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Jessica Andrews
11/6/2014 07:08:31 am

Crying again....Every time I read one of these blogs.

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Michelle Mahnke link
11/8/2014 01:06:55 pm

Hi Jessica!

My apologies for the tears! Hope they are happy ones.

-Michelle

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Greg and Pam Berg
11/6/2014 07:18:57 am

Thanks Michelle for writing and posting this to share. I just attended a funeral today for a friends wife who past away at 46.The wonderful thing about her story is she had a heart transplant 19 years ago. In those 19 years she and her husband lived and loved each other as though each day was their last, emptying their "bucket list" many times over.
Thanks, Greg

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Michelle Mahnke link
11/8/2014 01:08:58 pm

Thank you for your post, Greg and Pam.
Nineteen extra years is an amazing life, especially when one lives each day so fully. Thanks for sharing!

Michelle

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Michelle
11/6/2014 12:02:05 pm

Dear Wendy,
My words are so insufficient.
My prayers are for your family.
God be with you,
Michelle

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Sharon
11/7/2014 02:35:56 am

thank you for sharing your story, my heart was so moved beyond words.

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Michelle Mahnke link
11/8/2014 01:09:48 pm

Sharon,

Thank you for reading. God bless you.

Michelle

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Cindy Casey
11/7/2014 04:10:37 am

Thank you so much, Michelle, for writing this beautiful story. It is so difficult to lose a child but even during their suffering these parents were able to share their son so another's life could be lived. And she has lived it beautifully and fruitfully. She has, indeed, reached out to so many suffering people, showing us the joy of living one day at a time. She touched my life when I was in overwhelming grief and showed me that there could be joy even after the loss of someone you love. And I have found that joy in Jesus - as Patti's life so beautifully points to. I am so grateful to you, Patti and your whole family. You have touched my life and brought me so much peace and joy. Love and prayers, Cindy

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Michelle Mahnke link
11/8/2014 01:14:12 pm

Cindy,

Thank you for sharing such kind words. It still amazes me that joy can exist side by side with grief. And yet it does.

God bless you,

Michelle

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Jennifer Malinski
11/7/2014 09:31:14 pm

as the mother of a boy, we've had health scares in our family. I can not find the right words to express the feelings this brought to me. God Bless your family!

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Michelle Mahnke link
11/8/2014 01:15:49 pm

Jennifer,

I am sorry for the health scares. Every moment is precious, right?
Thank you for reading.

Michelle

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Mary Hulleman
11/9/2014 01:02:23 pm

Thank you for sharing the story about your Moms transplant on her 30th anniversary year. It brought back many memories. What a blessing she is to me. I thank God for the gift she is in my life.

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Michelle Mahnke link
11/18/2014 12:55:10 pm

Mary, Thank you for taking the time to visit the blog! And thanks for your comments.
God bless you,

Michelle

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